Things get Ugly 2
by bobachicken
Summary: The revision to Things get Ugly. This is the completed product. Link's girls collide, Saria gets an M-80 in her butt- things can't get any better!


Link- Gee Saria! I had no idea going on a date with a 19 year old midget could be so much fun!  
  
Saria- Yeah, well, I had no idea that dating a freak in a dress could be as much fun as getting a root canal!  
  
Link- ...is that good or bad?  
  
Saria- if it gets you in the bed than it's good.  
  
Link- Oh, like when you said that I was as much fun as that dead bitch tree we hail (Great Deku Tree)?  
  
Saria- Yeah, sure...whatever.  
  
Our hero Link was going for a stroll with Saria in the Hyrule Field, when, after the conversation above, Epona joins the fun.  
  
Link- Hey Epona! Brushes Epona. Saria gets jealous.  
  
Saria- Hey Link, I thought you were going on a date with me!  
  
Link- All right all right all right you little bitch. Lets go.  
  
Saria kicks Link in the balls  
  
Link- Damn it! Falls over  
  
At that moment, Epona tramples Saria. Link can only hear her muffled cries for help because her spleen is getting crushed. Link laughs. Princess Zelda walks over.  
  
Zelda- Oh Link! Let's make out!  
  
Link- I would if I still had my balls on the outside...  
  
Zelda walks over and gives Link a backrub. Saria sees this, kicks Epona in the uterus, and gets up, then falls over. Zelda can see Saria's little middle finger. Zelda replies with a swift 'Suck it, bitch!'  
  
Zelda walks over to Saria, and kicks dirt in her face.  
  
Zelda- SUCK MY WHITE ROYAL ASS!  
  
Link- ...I will!...crap...I need a Viagra... Zelda gets Link up, and walks him over to the carcass of Saria. Zelda pulls out an M-80. She shoves it up the little bitch's ass, and lights the fuse.  
  
Saria- GET THIS THING OUT OF MY A...  
  
Saria goes flying into the distance, flames erupting out of her ass. Zelda pulls out some binoculars from her bra, and looks at the carnage. Saria is mounted on the Great Deku Tree (the dead bitch tree we hail) from her ass. Zelda laughs, and they walk away. Little does Zelda know, Link was high, and now has suffered major blood loss.  
  
Link- Fried...Butter...  
  
Zelda- Whatever, honey. I took care of that bitch 'cause I keeps it real!  
  
Link- Fo show?  
  
Zelda- Fo show.  
  
Link slaps her ass, and they walk away. They decide to go on a stroll through the inside of Lord Jabu-Jabu, when they spot Princess Ruto, apparently in a janitor's outfit, cleaning out the inside of Lord Jabu- Jabu.  
  
Ruto- Damn I hate this fing janitor job! I am a princess, and should be treated like one! I do what every girl does. I get up. I make my dad coffee. I blow him. I sleep. I wake up, and he has me inside Jabu-Jabu cleaning out his FING insides! I have half a mind to rip out hid fing jugular and kill this bitch...Oh hi Link! I'm just...ah... doing some chores! Yeah...damn...  
  
Link- Hi mister man!  
  
Ruto- Are you going out with this psycho bitch Zelda  
  
Zelda- What the f did you call me?  
  
Ruto- You heard me.  
  
Zelda- I'm gonna pop your head open bitch!  
  
Ruto- I can't believe I was dumped for this white girl.  
  
Zelda- What did you say?  
  
Ruto- Kiss my ass  
  
Zelda- Eat s!  
  
Ruto- F you! Zelda and Ruto begin to wrestle on the floor, causing some of the clothes to rip, tear, etc. Link sits down, grabs a smoothie, and watches the fight.  
  
Zelda- Bitch!  
  
Zelda and Ruto are now down to their undergarments, and Link is impressed. They accidentally fall into a pit of water, and now they are soaking wet. Link's balls drop. He is now exceptionally happy.  
  
Ruto- Motherfker!!!  
  
Link forgets the fact that he is drinking something from Jabu-Jabu that looks like a smoothie. He throws up, and continues to watch the fight.  
  
Zelda- BITCH!  
  
Navi somehow escapes Link's pocket, and starts to hover around the room.  
  
Navi- Listen! Listen!  
  
No one listens, or presses the up C button.  
  
Navi- Listen cocksuckers!  
  
She finally got everyone's attention.  
  
Navi- We shouldn't be fighting! It is wrong. I wonder what Impa's up to? Cough cough...  
  
Zelda-............Bitch!  
  
Zelda and Ruto continue to fight, until navi pulls out some Anthrax.  
  
Navi- Listen bitches! If either one of you fights, I'll pour some anthrax on both of you!  
  
Zelda and Ruto continue to fight. Both are practically nude. Link starts to reach down lower, until Maron comes in, and starts to make out with Link. Navi pours it on Ruto, she swells up, and dies. Zelda sees the two swapping spit. She pulls out a gun, and screams.  
  
Zelda- It's either me or her!  
  
Link- Well...her.  
  
Zelda- Fine! She shoots herself after she shoots Navi. Sparks fly everywhere, as Link reaches up Maron's skirt. Link got lucky after all. From a 19 year old toddler, to a horse, to a psycho bitch, to a freaking fairy, to getting some. Way to go, Link. Way to go. 


End file.
